Author: Andre

  • To All Empoyees

    December 1st TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked Eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as […]

  • Friends Don’t

    As a friend I believe there are a few rules my friends need to be aware of. Friends don’t let thier friends down, therefore friends don’t… …let friends drink alone. …let friends drink from plastic bottles. …let friends shoot tequila after drinking a forty. …let friends take “Policy Breakers” home. …let friends drink Absinthe on […]

  • Discipline

    Bobby Knight said discipline is doing what has to be done, when it has to be done, as well as it can be done, and doing it that way all the time. Seeing as he just tied North Carolina’s Dean Smith as the all-time wins leader for college basketball I have to assume he knows […]

  • Polite Way to Pee

    During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go […]

  • Man Laws

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: When a heroic dog dies to save its master. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. After wrecking your boss’s car. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying […]

  • Mom’s Job Description

    POSITION: Mother, Mom, Moma, Mommy, Ma. JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including […]

  • Only a Man

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bath. One of them was washing her private parts and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched the patient “down there.” They tried it again and sure enough, […]

  • The Rules of Bedroom Golf

    The Rules of Bedroom Golf: Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. For most effective play, the […]

  • Public Speaking

    Do’s and Dont’s for Public Speaking. Body Language: Handshakes Stance Eye Contact Open Arms Hand Gestures Display Confidence Common Errors: Reading from Notes Avoiding Eye Contact Dressing Down Being Fidgety, Jiggling, or Swaying Failing to Rehearse Standing at Attention Reciting Bullet Points Speaking too Long Failing to Excite Ending with an Inspirational Defecit

  • Meditation Steps

    Meditation Steps that can be used by anyone, anywhere.  I don’t have the source information. Relax Unwind the muscles and become physically quiet. Center Focus on the breathing cycle and develop the capacity to witness the mind without getting lost in it. Enhance Visualize goals, focus on patience and forgiveness, or perform any other personally […]

  • Business Advice

    This article contains business advice for starting a business.  I came across it a while ago, but don’t have the source information anymore. Here’s what most entrepreneurs actually do in their first few months in business: Choose a business name. It’s difficult to start marketing your products or services without a name. Get business cards. […]