Corporate Predictions

People seem to love predictions so I’m going to make a few business predictions I can see happening in the next year or so. First is the one that gave me the idea of writing this post; Google buying Adobe. Imagine 2 of our favorite Silicon Valley brands combining and giving us on- and off-line version of Dreamweaver & Photoshop powered Adobe AIR and supported by Google’s ever exanding super computer network. Granted this is possible without the 2 companies combining, but where’s the fun in that. A third, significantly less likely player in this combiniation would be Apple. Adobe & Google both seem to have extraodinary tight relationships with Apple. Google CEO Eric Schmidt is on Apple’s Board of Directors and Adobe is consistently the first to take advantage of the full power of Apple hardware. A hardware/software combination involving all 3 companies would instantly be THE force in the tech industry.

Next we move to banking. Once Bank of America completes its deal purchasing LaSalle Bank from ABN Amro, making it a major player in the Chicagoland area, it will no longer be able to make significant deposit purchases in America because it will be bumping up against the 10% limit. Bank of America will turn its vision overseas, starting with the previously rumored to soon be a Bank of America target, and new ABN Amro parent company, Barclays. Buying Barclays after Barclays purchases ABN Amro, the deal which made LaSalle available for purchase, will help Bank of America’s presence in Europe and South America. In addition Bank of America will push organic growth within the States in an attempt to truly become the first and only nationwide, coast to coast, in every major and mid sized city, bank, or in other words the Bank of America.

AT&T & Vodafone – How does AT&T continue to grow following combining the companies once know as PacWest, Ameritech, SBC, BellSouth, Cingular, AT&T Wireless, AT&T, and soon to be Dobson/Cellular One, among others? It buys the largest GSM carrier in the World, Vodafone. Vodafone has a market capitalization of about $160 billion, meaning it could be purchased for under $200 Billion. The great part of the deal is it would give AT&T control over the 45% of Verizon Wireless currently owned by Vodafone. The Feds would never let AT&T keep that portion, but in a pre-arranged deal with a private equity firm AT&T could sell the Verizon Wireless stake, currently valued at around $65 Billion, for $80 Billion or so, cutting the actual Vodafone purchase price to somewhere in the neighborhood of $120 Billion. Who would be interested in 45% of VZW? How about KKR and/or Blackstone who seem to be buing everything. Or the Goldman Sachs/Texas Pacific consortium which recently puchased fellow CDMA carrier Alltel for $27 Billion? This would give GS/TP more leverage in it attempt to get VZW to buy the CDMA assets, probably raising the price to over $115 Billion.

Welcome

Welcome to the new, still under development, andrejcarter.com. I decided to redesign my site to give it a more professional feel. I don’t know when I’ll be done, but feel free to visit the Ajorel Network Forum and discuss the progress.

Mobile Phone Tips

I haven’t tried these, but they came from a reliable source who said he did. There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things you can do with it.

FIRST Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of t he coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other “remote” for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

THIRD Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone’s serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #. A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won’t get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole i t can’t use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

FIFTH Free Directory Service for Cells
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don’t have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

Sex Poems

Roses are red, Lemons are sour
Open your legs and give me an hour.

Kissing Is A Habit, Fucking Is A Game
Guys Get All The Pleasure, Girls Get All The Pain
10 Minutes Of Pleasure, 9 Months Of Pain
3 Days In The Hospital, A Baby Without A Name
The Father Is A Bastard, The Mother Is A Whore
This Would a Never Happened If The Rubber Hadn’t Tore!!

Sex is like math:
You subtract the clothes
Add the bed
Divide the legs
And Pray to god You don’t multiply

Roses are red, Grass is green
Open your legs and I’ll fill you with cream

Sex is good, Sex is fine
Doggy Style & 69
Just for fun Or gettin paid
Everyone likes gettin laid

roses are nice, violets are fine.
ill be the six if you be the nine.

roses are red, violets are blue
condoms will rip, now watch you get screwed

New Rules for 2007

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days — mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re a dope. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done.

New Rule: There’s no such thing as flavored water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, he will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the idiot. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low, and one NutraSweet,” ooh, you’re a huge idiot.

New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”

New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear “27 months.” “He’s two” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for Pete’s sake don’t pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, “Do you want fries with that?”