Tag Archives: Humor

Moral Dilemma: A Test

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My friend Sam sent me this email and I found it amusing.

You are driving down the road in your 2-seater sports car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

  1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
  2. An old friend who once saved your life.
  3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS………………..

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: ‘I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams’

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to, ‘Think Outside of the Box’.

HOWEVER…. the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama’s health care won’t pay for her anyway; have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

I love happy endings!

He Said, She Said

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Another email sent to me:

He said to me…….I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. I said to him……You wear pants don’t you?

He said to me…..Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said……That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me…..What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him……Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me………Why don’t women blink during foreplay? I said to him…..They don’t have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him…..We don’t know; it has never happened.

He said to me…..Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking? I said to him…..They already have boyfriends.

I said…..What do you call a woman who knows where  her husband is every night? He said….A widow.

He said to  me…….Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him……Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Something to Offend Everyone

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying “Yo.”

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him “Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They’re hiring.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

Why is a thong and a barbwire fence so much alike?
They both protect the property without blocking the view.